Obviously from my last couple of posts, the Lord has been teaching me about REST. Something I have struggled with since high school. I remember all these words spoken over me that God loves my heart but He wants me to rest. Quit striving and performing for He loves me no matter what I do or say regardless of my skills, talents, and abilities. Prophetic destiny is what God already spoke into my life when He created me. Ministry is not my calling. My calling is to BE with Him, to have fellowship and communion and out of that, ministry easily flows as you love on His people and walk in obedience to His voice. You can only discern, obey, and hear if you’re walking with Him consistently, not overpowered by works and performing. Ministry is not what you do but who you are and who you are is found in Christ.
This week’s lecture speaker blew my mind as he spoke about the meaning of prophetic destiny and ministry. He completely took my perspective of ministry life and realigned it to God’s vision or definition of ministry. That’s another teaching but it did lift up many burdens off of me.
One night this week I spent some time in the prayer room and really just sat there for a couple of hours. So much warring within me. I have never been through a season of confusion, restlessness, and uncertainty like I have this season. As Truth began to wash away the lies and comfort me, I sat there in His presence knowing that He was holding me and protecting me.
There wasn’t a band in there, the songs that were playing however, were songs that I saturated myself in when I first met the Lord. I remember I would sit in my room for hours and just listen to these worship songs and “feel” a love dancing over me igniting a hunger within me to know this Man more. They were songs that led me to know intimacy with Jesus. No one ever taught me about intimacy but it was through worship that I began to discover intimate relationship with the Beloved. Let me reiterate, it was through WORSHIP. These past couple of months through my busyness, I stopped writing songs and worshipping him in the secret place because of busyness.. There was my number one problem.
In the prayer room, I began to think about Martha and how I’ve always seen myself as Martha and not Mary. I went through the passages of Martha and Mary. This is what I got.
Martha “Religious Spirit”
(From passages Luke 10, John 12, John 11)
- Worrier(anxious, troubled).
- Does not see the need of others and chooses to see the flaws (flaws in her eyes), is affected by what others don’t do and do (controlling). Martha didn’t see the need Mary had to sit at the feet of Jesus. I also believe she wanted to look better than Mary by telling Jesus, “Look what I’m doing for you and she’s not doing anything”. That backfired on her as Jesus said that Mary has chosen what is better and it would not be taken away from her.
- Performer/Complainer. (Performers complain) Luke 10, Martha complains that her sister is not helping. Jesus never asked Martha to serve. Martha served out of cultural respect. She could not get past the “traditional habits”. That’s what religion does. When you do not choose to sit at the feet of Jesus because you choose to live out of a performance/serving mentality, you are most likely to miss what He says that could change your life forever. I’m sure Mary’s life changed instantaneously sitting at His feet.
- Faithless, concerned with bad outcomes (pessimistic). In John 11, when Jesus was about to call Lazarus out, Martha instead of seeing/believing the miracle first, chose to see the negative effects the odor of Lazarus’s body would have. She obviously didn’t know Christ enough to believe the supernatural. She couldn’t get past the smell. She thought of the smell before the glory. When you’re preoccupied in busyness or distraction, you will not have enough faith to see Jesus move in your life because something will always get in the way whether it be your doubts, worries, lack of trust, etc.
Mary “Laid down lover”
(From passages Luke 10, John 12, John 20)
- Listener/gazer. Mary sat and listened to Jesus ignoring the chaos around her. She chose the good portion. Jesus HIMSELF said that Mary sitting at His feet was better than her serving like Martha. (bam)
- Knew how to wait. I believe Mary gained revelation on the loving character of Jesus because she sat to listen to Him speak. In John 11, Martha hears that Jesus is coming to their town because of Lazarus’s death, she runs to Jesus but Mary does not. At first, I thought Martha did the right thing to run to Jesus and yes there are times when we have to run to Him but I thought Mary was in so much pain from her brother’s death, that she chose to be herself in that situation. In other words, she was not afraid to show her true emotions to Jesus. BUT what I love is when Martha tells Mary that Jesus is calling for her, she quickly rises up and runs to meet Him. In her time of waiting, she moves when Jesus calls. Many of us choose to run and serve before Jesus calls us to. That’s how we burn out and move without the Father. Mary moves the heart of Jesus as she fell at His feet. He is not a stoic God. Our hearts of sorrow, pain, confusion, etc moves His heart.
- Faith driven. Mary knew and believed that Jesus could have saved Lazarus from death and I believe she had hope that Jesus could still save Lazarus. I mean at this point, the whole nation has seen Jesus raise people from the dead, heal the sick, and walk in signs & miracles. The fact that Mary said “If you had been here my brother would not have died”.. she knew Jesus was a healer. She thought about Jesus continuously knowing that He could heal her brother.
These are a couple that I found throughout the Word… I’m not saying that Mary is better than Martha but I’m simply saying that choosing to sit at the feet of Jesus and to fellowship with Him transforms our thoughts, our lives, and the way we live for the Lord. I find myself like Martha MANY times but I believe this season of my life the Lord is taking me back to my first love.. back to Him.. when I would fellowship with the Father without worrying, without thinking ahead towards my future, and without trying to please others constantly.
What did God prophetically declare when He formed me in my mother’s womb? It wasn’t servant, it wasn’t pastor, it wasn’t do-er, but rather daughter, beloved, and friend. Everything God says and does is relational.
Who are you? Who do you choose to be?