Warring for my Heart.

These past couple of weeks and months have been a HUGE whirlwind of emotions and suffering. Yet I learned the essence of rejoicing, leaning, and praying. Through the chaos, the Lord had taught me to pray fervently in the Spirit without ceasing and to read the Word deeply to know Him more. I desired to seek Him not because I wanted answers or something miraculous to happen.. because all I knew at that moment was I couldn’t do anything in my life without seeking Him or knowing Him. He is more than just a God who answers prayers or a God who tends to my needs. He is a God who loves me regardless of my what’s in my heart and where it stands. Since I know that knowledge, my one and only desire is to know Him, love Him, and love others. My gaze towards Him has sparked a hunger within me that I cannot explain or contain. I must know Him.. I must love Him.. I must… I must..

I’m not gonna lie and say that I am perfect & holy, that I do a good job of loving people, loving God. I do get lazy, tired, mean, complain and grumpy. I let my soul get in the way. Of course, I fall. It’s hard to love people, it’s sometimes hard to love God. But that’s what the beauty of this walk is. It’s a process. People often give up on the process but it’s often the Lovers who endure through the process.

My life at CFNI has been stretched and has challenged me in my faith especially because it was the hardest time for me to leave my family. I do go home every weekend and boy, was it warfare. I have hope in greater things yet to come for He is stronger and lives in the inside of me. No matter how many times I fall, I will get back up and fight. The enemy can NEVER push me to the ground. I think I’ve made that very clear to him.

Anyways, the Lord (as always) has been teaching me so much about all these crazy things. The only challenge is applying it daily. To transform my mind by renewing it daily. Taking my soul to the Cross and being led by the Spirit of God. One glance away from the Lord, I am back to my old self which I loathe. It’s no good. But this morning I was marveling at the word SUFFERING.

I have gone through a lot of suffering whether it be alone or with my family. However, it hasn’t been easy year after year but I’ve grown stronger and stronger in the Lord. I cannot turn my face away from Him.. I’ve come so far with Him and I believe with all my heart, soul, mind and strength that it’s worth it all.

This morning, I studied the book of Job. I read the part in chapter 7 when he was complaining in anguish, grief, and bitterness about why he has to suffer, what did he do.. he was basically confused and hurt by the Lord. I cannot even imagine how it feels to lose EVERYTHING including his own children all at once.

Reading Job’s complaints, my first reaction was, wow, I bet Job will regret all that he has said because we know what happens at the end of the story, at the end of Job. Yet I know God isn’t hurt by it. He just wanted Job to war on and persevere. To trust Him . And I believe that God believed with all His heart that Job will come back to Him.

However, I thought about it and realized that I tend to think the exactly same way at times whenever times get overwhelming. Although not verbally, I do think it in my heart. God knows our thoughts and motivations of our hearts exactly. I would think “Man, is this life only but sufferings? When is He gonna pull through.. Is He even listening? I think God also wants to hear our the true states of our hearts rather than putting a front and acting like we are holy individuals. It’s all about being honest and vulnerable to the Lord. For in that state of weakness, we are able to be filled with the Holy Spirit.

Who are we fooling? He is a God who knows things before we even think or speak it.

I can testify that my faith has become stronger towards the spiritual rather than the physical. The physical is momentary and nothing but a vapor. My heart and its motivations will be revealed time and time again until it is completely set towards the heart of God in purity, holiness, and abandonment. I’ve been learning in my dynamics class that Jesus came to cause things to fall in order that the hearts of man would be revealed.

This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against,³⁵ so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too.” Luke 2:24-25

But why the suffering? We know that God wants to reveal our hearts so that we can become more like Him and think like Him.. I would always think, I MUST SUFFER BECAUSE JESUS DID. No, that is a wrong worldview. He suffered, died on the Cross and resurrected ONCE and for all that we may live in victory, joy, and hope. The last thing this world needs is man to save this world. Only Jesus can and HE has.

It may be that we from the beginning were never meant to live here, to be of this earth. We belong to someone bigger, something better. There is a battle of the evil one wanting to steal our hearts to bondage. But there’s an echo, a beautiful whisper of love summoning us into discovering an all-consuming fire that will light up our hearts for eternity. It will be through suffering that we may hear two voices because that exactly reveals our hearts and who it beats for. It’s a choice to rejoice and live out in continual thanksgiving or it’s a choice to live in bondage.

We weren’t meant to live here. We were meant to live in harmony with the Lord walking in that garden. Our hearts and Spirits know of that. It LONGS for that peace. No wonder we are always waging war against the earth, other people, and suffering. We were never meant to be one with the earth. We were meant to be one with someone who is beyond our thoughts and ways. Someone Holy, an all-consuming fire, the Lion of the Tribe of Judah.. the fearless, the loving.. must I go on?

Thank the Lord that He has grace and calls us into greater understanding of what it means to suffer. Thank Jesus who has suffered for all mankind. The victory is here and it has already been won. Look to the future, the hope of our glory. It’s just a little while longer until we see His face.. He will reward us for our perseverance and the hope which transforms our characters.

Keep on pressing on. DON’t give up, DON’t give in, if you don’t quit, you WIN. It’s already won.

There’s a war for my heart. I will either burn for the Beloved or smoke away into eternal death.

Again & again

How could He be so faithful to me when I’ve been found faithless many times over and over again?
Help my unbelief. You have shown me Your faithfulness, Your heart, and Your love towards me & Your people. You remind me numerous times of Your faithfulness from the day I first met You, to the day I couldn’t find You, to the day I found You. Help my unbelief.

My life has been a whirlwind. Two weekends ago, my dad came out of the hospital again because he went through DKA. My little sister found him passed out on the ground due to another seizure he had since last Sept. I was in shock but saw the Lord’s hand upon the entire thing. Little did I know, the Lord was delivering and healing me of the anger and sorrow I’ve built up these past couple of years after coming home from YWAM. I thought I was done with the healing but no, I was afraid to show God that I was hurting. But He knows everything.. He knows me more than myself.. and He stepped in opening that door in my heart I was scared to open. He opened it, I allowed Him to come in, and & healed me.

How silly of me to live like I was the savior of this family. I’m not, I never will be. He told me to stop trying to save this family because no matter what I do or say, I can never save this family. It’s only by the Blood of Christ who can redeem the salvation of my sisters and my dad. Boy, after letting it all go and surrendering which was probably the hardest for me (family), God has been moving in my dad’s heart. He even went to a revival with me at my home church and reconciled with our head pastor. My heart was overwhelmed and I was grateful for He had heard my cries. He hears my prayers.. He really really does. All I have to do is continue to wait in the waiting room. Not worry, but wait.. know Him, seek Him, love Him… trust in Him.

I found out last week that I’m going to CFNI. After 2-3 years of being at home serving, I know the Lord has opened this door up for me. After such an awesome summer of Vertical 12, meeting new people, working at the Newsong summer school.. my faith had been stretched so much. But you know, He’s so worth it all. My heart burns for Him.. I can never let Him go.. I can never say I don’t believe, I can never turn my face away from Him.. I want to be One with Him. That’s all I desire. I don’t have my tuition for CFNI but I’m not worried about it. Again & again, the Lord has shown me and reminded me of His faithfulness.

He led my two YWAM outreach leaders to connect with me at different times last week. They are my older brothers and sisters whom I love dearly. Both of them got to see me come to YWAM with absolutely nothing and see God provide it all. But Paki reminded me of how I sought His kingdom first. I was always in the prayer room, face down, spending time and asking the Lord.. to be my provider. and He did provide everything. Esther unni and Paki were two people who encouraged me through it all. They are literally walking testimonies of how I defeated the stronghold of money esp because I grew up in humble circumstances. I am still in those circumstances but I can confidently say that the Lord is my provider, I shall not want. “But seek His kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well”.

I think it’s really about knowing who God is and not what He can do. If you know who He is, you already believe in what He can do. We look for the changes or the big supernatural bangs more than looking at God Himself. That’s why we constantly fix our gaze upon Him.. because one look away, we find ourselves back into the worldly desires or the things that do not matter.

The Lord has been encouraging me through the Word as well. That’s my favorite. Because the Word became flesh and walked upon this earth. SO it’s really like, Jesus Himself is encouraging me face to face. He reminds me in Luke 12 not to worry. The kingdom belongs to me because He is pleased with me. I don’t know why He is pleased with me but He is because that’s just who God is. He loves me.. He loves me.. He loves me..

But through it all… I had to examine my heart. He knows my heart.. After ALL that i’ve gone through.. the battles, the pains, the victories, the sorrow, the joy..

When I set my eyes on the One, all else fades away and becomes no more but what remains is where my heart truly is. “For where your treasure is, there your heart wil be also”.

He is faithful again & again. I desire to be faithful again & again until I see Him face to face. This life is not about the riches, the gifts.. “life is more than food, and the body more than clothes”. It’s more than the physical, momentary things. It’s about eternity and an eternal love that dwells in the inside of us.. an eternal love that is calling out to us to come and dance with Him.. an eternal love that wants to restore us, love us, and know us even though He already knows everything about us.

I don’t know, but I can feel change and transformation in my life this year. I’m not afraid of the fire, of the rain… I’ve gone through a lot of suffering in my life but have concluded to one thing.. Jesus is real and faithful to those who are faithful to Him. Why should I be afraid?

Breatheeeeeee

Last couple of weeks were pretty crazy busy to the point where I had to turn off my phone on a SUNDAY NIGHT and just sleep away. It felt good to rest but I realized it wasn’t rest for I was resting in my flesh but not in the Spirit. OH YES, physical rest is VERY important but spiritual rest is more important. To calm our hearts, to hear the voice of the One we love, to allow Him to sing over us.. that’s what I desired.

My qts have been quite crazy as well. I have been studying about the Tabernacle and just the traditions of the Israelites during Moses’ time in the book of Exodus. Even the priestly garments blew my mind away.. everything that the Lord commanded Moses and the people are so detailed yet it all represented the love of Christ. I use to think back then that the Old Testament was boring. That the God I know today wasn’t the same as the one in the Old Testament. I thought He was mean, strict, and merciless. However, I realized that the Old Testament and everything that happened in these times were out of love and grace. He is a just, holy God. There’s so much to teach out of this so I’ll save it for later. I’m enjoying it thoroughly because there is such a strong,, deep connection from here to Jesus and His work on earth to the Cross to His ascension. However, through all this, I have discovered such a deeper meaning of true LOVE.

As you guys know, I posted about how the Lord is really teaching me how to love. I cannot love people without loving or knowing God.. I cannot love God without knowing Him. This is something that all Christians must learn and know… fail.. learn.. accept.. try.. live out..

1 Corinthians 13
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the Truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres….

We ALL know this verse quite well especially because we focus on it for our human relationships. Yet think of it this way. This is not  just only our task, mission ,or something to learn and apply just by meditating. It LIVES inside of us. This is exactly WHO our God is. Read the verse over again but replace love with God. It’s totally Him! He lives in the inside of us and must consume us entirely. We cannot learn to do any of this without seeking our God who IS love. We deny our flesh in order for the Spirit of the living God to cover us.. we cannot love through our flesh. I can try and try and try to love my brothers and sisters in my flesh but I end up seeking my own glory, serving out of a bitter heart.. you know? But those who truly truly devote their lives to the Lord, die to the Cross.. will understand that God is love and if He lives in the inside of us, we must allow Him to love, serve, and give through us.

The last sentence of 1 Corinthians says that:
And now, these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Cor 13 gives me faith, hope and love to be reminded of His grace and abide in Him. The greatest of all these is LOVE for love is God and God is love. Everything that we do in our lives must point back to love.. it must point back to Him. To glorify the Son for His will to be done on earth as it is in Heaven. You cannot be filled with the Spirit and enjoy a good encountering with Jesus only. The purpose to be filled is to spread the Gospel like fire through love. Jesus Christ when walking on this earth was the LIVING WORD walking in flesh. He didn’t pound the Gospel into the hearts of people yet He taught with authority and He would give their needs FIRST through His beautiful, compassionate heart first and then they believed. He has such a beautiful heart.. and to pray that I want to be like Christ.. we must truly understand His heart and the way He walked on this earth which is why intercession is greatly important.

I am challenged everyday to love. Yes, I do fail a lot. I try with my family first. The reason why I’m home is because I need to learn to love, pray, and serve here first before going out in the mission field. How can I intercede for a nation and work for them when I don’t here? It has to become a lifestyle.. something born in the inside of me. I have been sowing for many years in Dallas ever since I came back into Dallas and I am just now beginning to see the first fruits of the harvest. I am truly excited and thankful that the Lord has given me a heart to persevere. It was seriously all about perseverance, discipline, and patience.  I’ve learned so much and have fallen deeper in love with God. He brings me back to my first love.. He is my first love.

I am continually reminding myself that I cannot know God without knowing the Word which became flesh who ascended to heaven and left behind the Holy Spirit. The Word and Spirit must be balanced. Just like the Trinity(God, Jesus, Holy Spirit), it cannot be divided. Right now, there are many churches and people who are way into the spiritual encounterings but lack the foundation or knowledge of the Word. Or people who only know the Word like it’s a textbook and have no Spirit of love, kindness, mercy, etc.  or churches who do not have both at all. It breaks my heart to see the Bride of Christ chained in bondage when her Bridegroom is offering a life of freedom, joy, and eternal life.
May the Lord teach you to read the Word through the Spirit.. and through the Spirit glorify His name.

I just touched a bunch of random topics on this blog. But these days, there has been such an excitement in my heart. I see crazy transformations in the lives of the people in my church. And most of these people were the cold-hearted, mean people that I thought would never get saved.. this was when I was young growing up in the church. I attended DBC since I was 5 and I am now 21.. and we are celebrating our 20th anniversary this Sunday.. CRAZINESS!! Now they are the KINDEST most loving servants of the Lord. Jesus always has hope for His children. He waits upon them.. He always waits.. He’s waiting for them at the banquet table wondering what’s taking them so long but He will never ever get up and leave because true love never abandons and is eternal.

Make Him known & make me unknown.

It’s finally summer and I’m anticipating NUMEROUS of things. This is the first summer the Lord hasn’t sent me anywhere and I believe He wants me to sow into Dallas so my friend and I are planning worship events and what not. I’m stoked because there was such a stirring and excitement in my heart as I was seeking the Lord in the mornings.

These past couple of mornings have been amazing with the Lord. I just sit on my prayer blanket for like hours and just meditate, talk to the Lord and He shows me A LOT! It’s been crazy good and I’ve been filled every morning with desire, love, and thanksgiving. I’m still running strong with the Lord.. I have realized that I have nothing and certainly am nothing with Christ.. I have nothing, no one but Christ.. and it’s so worth it… I can’t imagine myself without Him.. thank You Lord!!!

I just reactivated my facebook after like 5 months of taking a break. I figured it would be easier on people to keep me updated on events going on in Dallas. It’s good to see familiar faces.. I made a new one because I just wanted to start fresh with everything. The Lord spoke to me a few months ago about “NEW WINE SKIN”. He will pour out and fill me with NEW things. I enjoy these words from the Lord because I take them literally in the physical as well. It just makes me feel satisfied haha

I wanted to share a revelation the Lord shared with me this morning that left me in awe of His glory and gave me a deeper understanding of what it means to die to the cross and to rise with Christ.

It started off with my QT in Exodus (i know i know.. pretty weird book to do QT in..) yet it wrecked me! It confirmed to me that unborn infants and slaves DO have rights and its proven in the bible. (The Lord has been placing human trafficking and abortion heavily in my heart) BUT there was a verse in Exodus 21.

v23  But if there is serious injury, you are to take life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, and bruise for bruise.

This specific verse spoke to me differently. The serious injury spoken here greatly reminded me of humanity’s serious injury, sin. Our sins lead Christ to the Cross because He allowed Himself to be crushed for our iniquities, punished, and pierced. He took our place and took life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, and bruise for bruise. He took upon our suffering for He is a just God filled with compassionate love and mercy.

Then I began to wonder.. what do I do? I know that we cannot do ANYTHING to balance what Christ did for us by DOING something out of thanksgiving.. yet one thing I can do is DIE to myself at the Cross.

And the Man Jesus, is the PERFECT example. 
Jesus was cursed and threatened from the start of His ministry to the road to Calvary as He was heavily abused, cursed upon, and spitted at. Yet His character of meekness, humility, love.. did not change. He did not rebel back nor did He cause chaos. Isaiah 53 explains this very well so please read this and allow the Holy Spirit to give you a deeper revelation of what Christ endured. He was oppressed and afflicted yet did not open His mouth..  through His suffering and wounds, He was probably unrecognizable. His face and body was torn to pieces. His face .. I do not want to imagine the face of Jesus after being beaten by His own creation and their disobedience..

If we die to the Cross, we become unrecognizable. We enter into our identity in Christ. Our character, lifestyle, habits, even our thinking will transform into a new creation. This transformation only happens through suffering, trials, and tribulations.. just like Jesus suffered and persevered through all His sufferings. . Christ WAS recognizable as CHRIST after His resurrection. We rise with Him as new daughters/sons of the Kingdom of Heaven, we are recognized as Christ. We are filled with His glory and light and live day by day, glory to glory.

When the Lord showed me this, it was like DUH why didn’t I catch this before? Isn’t this simple to get?! But one thing that most Christians tend to forget is that it’s not about us, it’s about Him.. and it’s through our CHARACTER of Christ that we live daily. We must constantly die to the desires of our flesh.. choose righteousness. I fail SO many times in my flesh.. but I’m trying and I cannot do this alone without the help of the Holy Spirit.. the Word.. and prayer.. all of this, when it becomes a lifestyle, transforms the heart of the thirsty.

To be like Christ is to be unrecognizable.. it’s to make Him known and make myself unknown.

Nothing is Impossible

The last couple of weeks I had strep throat and was pretty sick. It was pretty hard because I couldn’t do much. I couldn’t go out and just slept a lot. I am getting better but still have the coughs and my voice isn’t fully back yet. Anyways!

The Lord has been doing so much in my heart lately especially since last night and today. He has been teaching me about LOVE. The hardest thing for me and for us all. I truly believe that the greatest commandments “to love God and love others” are the great commandments because they are really hard to do. It makes sense. You can’t love overs without loving God.. and You can’t love God without knowing God.. seeking Him, searching Him out, hungering after Him, chasing after Him..
He has been challenging me with the smallest things such as serving family and friends out of the Spirit rather than in my flesh. I am so HUMAN! Yet He’s teaching me.. He’s been showing me my lack of love because I tend to judge people a lot even when I don’t say it out, I say it in the inside which I think is even worse! He’s been convicting me through the Word about judging, slandering, gossiping..  just thinking about it.. everything He is doing and teaching me is humbling me. very very much.. VERY MUCH!
It’s difficult to shift my mind.. renew it.. transform it by myself. I have be so in tune with the Spirit.. I have to constantly rest in Him, be in the Word, pray, love Him,, love others.
It’s where the inner beauty the overflow comes out to manifest through the Holy Spirit.

Everyday is a challenge but He has overcome and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. One thing I tend to do is still battle against shame. My heart is so sensitive to the Lord that when I sin or know I make a mistake, I begin to feel ashamed and guilty. But the Lord told me this one day.. He said that it is not by my actions or by being “good” or “bad” He pours His grace out. He pours His grace because that who He is.. just like He loves us because that is who He is.. He is beautiful…

Last night, the Lord did something in my heart and I have been weeping because the beauty of Christ is so.. extravagant. I can’t explain this love.. His character.. I am so undeserving yet He says “whats Mine is yours..”

I have a couple of prayer requests:

-I will be going to Chicago at the end of July and will be leading the youth night for refugees from Nepal, Karen, Ethiopia, and the Lord’s church. My church goes every year. My first year was last year and I was greatly touched by the Spirit of God moving so gently yet powerfully in the hearts of the children/youth and especially in mine. I will need financial help. I am currently leading the worship for our team meetings and God really confirmed to me that I should be going. I kept praying “nothing is impossible with God” and after the meeting, I found out the theme for VBS is nothing is impossible with God. How crazy is that?! You can read more about last year’s Chicago mission http://janicesyi.wordpress.com/2011/08/03/namaste-nee-ler-ah-hga/

- I just got invited to lead worship and share a testimony at a hispanic church in Houston. I will be attending an adult biblestudy to get to know the people then sharing with the youth kids during Memorial weekend. I am really stoked and honored that this opportunity came up for me out of the blue. I have been in a season of rest.. I haven’t been leading praise for awhile and just been leading a group of juniors at church. I prayed to the Lord almost crying that I miss leading worship and a week later, He’s given me the opportunity to lead worship for the mission team and now this?! How faithful is He! He hears the smallest prayers
-I am applying to CFNI and trying to attend in the fall. I will need expenses for that as well. I really wanted to go to Bethel but know that I need to be in Dallas a little longer for my family and church.

Thank you for your prayers whoever reads this!
If you have any prayer requests or advice, please feel free to leave a comment!

Blessings!

Btw, for all you ladies out there.. meditate on 1 Peter 3. It is quite humbling and has shown me the true inner beauty a woman should carry. It’s awesome!

Encounter & Marriage.

This entire week, I’ve had great encountering with the Lord.. ALL in my car! I would go to class filled with the Spirit.Each day the Lord touched my heart with something new. It ranged from comfort, encouragement, conviction, to repentance. I was longing for this touch, this feeling for a couple of years.. this touch I felt I lost.. It was so divine. I can’t explain what I felt or what happened, He touched my heart so deeply….
My family has been going through financial situations for almost 16 years now. Usually, I would cry to the Lord asking for breakthrough. Yet today, I realized that it’s no big deal. He always provided whether I recognized it or not. Now, as I have grown in my relationship with the Lord, I have learned to seek Him for who He is.. not for what He could do or provide. If I focus on the provision or the physical, momentary things then I’m not looking at Christ. I’m looking for the temporary satisfactions. Then when the same thing occurs again, I begin to feel let down, hopeless. Not today though, Christ has transformed my mind.. my heart.. my habits. I realize that in our poverty, in our suffering, in our pain.. there we find Jesus. Not only that, that I can give my all out of my poverty, out of my hardships.. for He is there.. and He is faithful. He doesn’t dwell upon the rich, the put well-together.. He dwells upon and befriends the sinners, the tax collectors, the prostitutes, the blind, the deaf, the paralyzed..

Through all these years up to this point, I began to ponder about my lifestyle. To be honest, I was lacking a lifestyle of prayer and Word. There was no balance or there was no sacrifice. I lacked discipline. I asked the Lord to give me hunger.. to give me an awakening, to discipline me. He did. Ever since then, I began to discipline myself through setting time aside for intercession, for rest, encounter, reading the Word, memorizing verses, etc. It has changed my life. I had to awaken myself from my slumber. I had to rise up.

The Word and intercession go hand in hand in marriage. Intercession is when we partner with the Lord asking for His heart as we pray for others. In better words of Oswald Chamber(which was funny because today’s devo is about the marriage of worship and intercession yet the Lord gave me the marriage of the Word and intercession a couple days ago):

“Intercession means that we rouse ourselves up to get the mind of Christ about the one for whom we pray”

The Word became flesh. The Word was and is Jesus. We, the church, are the Bride of Christ. Our destiny is to be married to Him, to become ONE. Intercession is our duty as a Bride. We partner with the Lord as a wife partners with her husband and talk about certain issues or concerns, they become one for better or for worse. When we intercede through the Word of Christ, the TRUTH and LIFE that comes out of it.. wow, that would be extremely powerful.

John 1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
John 1:14 The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. We have seen His glory , the glory of the One and Only who acme from the Father, full of grace and truth.

Because of that revelation, because I know that, it has awakened me to the importance of reading the Word, praying, and even serving the Lord. I’ve always know that we had to do all that. It’s like the Christian 101 that EVERYONE knows but sadly, does not do.

The Esther Call is coming up on Good Friday. I have set side time to pray for this conference and the Lord has been bringing up the subject of abortion up to me in so many various ways. At home, in school, when I read the news.. it’s everywhere for me. I do not know why now, but the Lord has given me heart for the justice toward abortion. Not only abortion, but for many issues in this world. OH the wickedness of this world.. we must seek justice..we must seek Jesus…. we must.. we must..

Will you stand up and fight for justice FROM the presence of the Lord?
Will you awaken and intercede for others because You desire to know the heart of Christ?
His heart burns for His people.. for His people to turn from their wicked ways and repent.. so that they may draw nearer to the Kingdom of Heaven which brings Life, freedom, and inheritance.

He burns for us.. He’s a jealous consuming fire.. it’s not just passion and desire.. but it’s also a fire that burns the things that do not belong in His presence. You say yes to the flame, you are saying yes to consecration, sanctification and justification. You are saying “I do” to Christ for eternity.

Long time no bloggin?!

Wow, it has been awhile WordPress! Im sorry I have forgotten about you The last time I updated was in November. Ever since my dad got out of the hospital, lost his job.. it has been so crazy for my family. My mom works full time monday through fridays as a manager at a sushi restaurant(which the Lord has given out of His grace), I work part time at the mall with an amazing manager(which the Lord has given out of His grace) and I go to school as well. My older sister still works full time as well. So you can imagine the craziness. But His grace is sufficient in our weakness. He provides every time we become short (which is like every month) but He never fails us.

I can’t even begin what I have been learning and gone through these past couple of months. Let’s just say I had a few heart surgeries when the Lord revealed to me the true motivations and state of my heart as a Christian. I read a book that my spiritual mom gave me as a present for my bday.. which btw my bday was AMAZING!! I turned 21 and had a worship session at my house.. the words that people gave me were so encouraging & uplifting. I have never felt so blessed in my life.. I usually don’t like receiving attention but the Lord told me that day He wanted to bless me abundantly for being faithful and true to Him.. what? ME?! Faithful and true to HIM?! I feel like most of the time I neglect Him.. that I dont’ give enough.. but then again, my orphan heart says that. I must do things to please Him.. but all the Lord wants is me to love Him and love others through HIS love.

ANYWAYS! This book is called, “Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship” by Jack Frost. It is an AMAZING book and had me weeping literally 6 times throughout the book. The Lord spoke to me very clearly. I can’t explain all the things I have learned and such because I believe that is between the Lord and me. But if you ever have time, please read that book. I felt like I was back in DTS reading that book! Haha.

I will continue this post later on.
Just wanted to let whoever reads this know that I am alive and well!
I got rid of my facebook due to personal reasons. Not sure when I’ll get it back or if I will ever..
I realize that the enemy attacks me through social media. This time of my life is the season of discipline through reading the Word and in prayer. I have to wake up from my slumber and be alert. I cannot be a solider unprepared without my weapons running into the middle of the warzone. The enemy is a prowler. I choose not to give Him that foothold. There is such LIFE & VICTORY through the marriage of the Word and intercession. I absolutely love it . The Lord reveals to me many secrets that man can never even speak out of their mouth or even THINK of!
Like I said, I will update more throughout the months. I don’t even know if anyone reads my WordPress but whoever comes across, I pray that you will be blessed by the testimonies in my life. I just want to be vulnerable.. to be real with my faith. It’s not about the outward experience where everyone can see, it’s about the inward where the Lord dwells.. I could be the  nicest person outwardly but be wicked and have the worst motivations behind my heart. No, I want to be a vessel poured out daily and receive a new portion of His love & grace through the Holy Spirit blessing others. I want to be real because He is real.

Until then, be blessed!

The Promise has come and is coming back again!

Wow, long time no see WordPress! I apologize for neglecting you but this year has been the craziest yet! I am just in shock that it’s already December tomorrow and 2011 will be over in 30ish days!
Long story short, the Lord has shown me victory belongs to Him. My dad was hospitilized because he had seizures due to unknown reasons. Yet the Lord has pulled, stretched, and tested the faith of my mother and me. But God always gives us choices. We could either choose to be angry or choose to praise Him entering His courts with thanksgiving. I chose to depend, worship, and love the Lord. I glorify Him through everything. From the scary moment of waking up to my dad having a seizure, to me running to my parents room breaking my toe along the way, to the paramedics rushing inside my house leaving behind muddy shoe prints, to the LONG hours of waiting at the hospital… there was peace through it all. And I glorify God.. He is my comforter. I glorify Him and the great plans He has for my family. God is bringing revival into this family.. into my heart..

However, ever since all that, it hasn’t got any better. Just days after my dad got released, he lost his job. So you could say we were stuck in a puddle of financial problems. Our hospital bills are insane but I believe God provides.

I have learned that my life is choosing every moment, days, and opportunity to declare victory over it all. Whether it be in my suffering or in my joy. It’s not about me but at the same time, it is. God reassures me of His overwhelming love. Such as tonight, during my time of worship, I desired to press into the heart of God. To press in deeper.. I will share more of my vision He gave me as I just laid flat on my face resting in His presence. It was such a peace that melted into me.

I’m not gonna lie and say that I was the “perfect, holy” Christian.. as Christians, we’re allowed to make mistakes. It’s the choice of repentance and grace that we must follow. I fell so many times. There were times when I doubted God, when I wanted to give up on life (literally), there were times when I fell to the ground sobbing and asking God where He was.. but I realized, that I was looking for the physical, momentary things through God. The things that I thought would save me. I realized the prayers I was praying.. they were “LORD, YOU ARE FAITHFUL TO YOUR PROMISES. REMEMBER THE PROMISES?!” “LORD, PLEASE PROVIDE FOR US. WE NEED YOUR HELP”

Yes, sometimes and many times we do pray these to God.. but I knew that I wasn’t praying for the right things especially with the situation I was in.. God wanted me to go deeper.. into the Spiritual.. praying for revival/transformation of my dad.. revival in my sisters.. I began to declare that the promise of God came 2000 years ago and is coming back again.. I declared that everything that I need is found in Jesus and I will be satisfied in that. Then I asked myself, If God were to strip away everything from me,  what would I have left? Jesus or hopelessness, physical momentary things?

It’s all about the renewing of the mind. To say YES to His promise, Jesus Christ. And to just abide in Him.. rest in Him.. love Him.. live for Him.. for He knows what we need, when we need them.. it’s hard. VERY hard.. but I believe He’s worth it all.  Especially because I have seen so much transformation in my family already. THANK YOU JESUS!

Hopefully, I’ll update again soon! I missed blogging

I look to You

The past 2 months have been crazy for my family and me. From waking up to my dad having seizures, to a broken toe, to financial burdens, to job loss… it’s all chaos. But the Lord has comforted me from day 1 in my parents room as the paramedics were doing their thing to my dad to the long sleepness hours at the hospital and at home  to today when I was losing all hope after learning so much about victory in Christ. That victory already belongs to Jesus and that I have to be still for He will fight for me. He is bringing deliverance and I will look to Him all the day s of my life….. Jesus is my hope. .to be continued.

Break.

Im gonna take a break from wordpress.
Haven’t been feeling inspired by anything.
Looking forward to the new season and school year.
A lot on my plate.

Blog about it when I feel like it

Byebye